Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Today wasn't such a good day, so I did something drastic for the one I love. I've more recently come to terms with the idea that vanity isn't all that it is cracked up to be and there are more important things to fret about than makeup and hair.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Spring Flowers

After working 9 days straight, I took a much-needed vacation to none other than Savannah, Georgia to spend some time with Ashley, Stephanie, and Nick. It was a great time, spending two full days at the beach, and the third downtown at various Earth Day and art festivals. I can feel the full speed of summer creeping up on me again, and with the mounting stress between doctor appointments, overtime at work, Jonathan being gone, figuring out summer school & funding (for myself and brother), and maintaining a household, I'm not sure if I am ready for it yet. I still have no idea what we are exactly doing in Yellowstone or the Grand Tetons, but no worries - I have the rest of seven days planned.

I left early Sunday to make it in time for church, though sadly missing Sunday School due to my need for a 15-minute nap at a rest stop along the way. I happily attended the first service with my mom and was able to see my brother perform in the church orchestra. The service was moving, and I'm proud to be a member of such a great body of people. My pastor never ceases to impress me or move me to tears, and being a part of a church of believers that love the Lord and raise their arms in worship is an amazing feeling. Five years ago I would have never thought my life to be the way it is now, and the change is all due to the sacrifices of Christ. I am no longer living as an ant, as Dr. Lincoln would say.

I'm back at work for six out of seven days this week (keep in mind these are nurses' hours, not normal 8-5 :}), and while the thought is dreadful, it is a blessing to not only have a job but be able to make extra money through overtime and at the same time love the people and patients I work with. Today was emotional for me and I'm not sure why. My patient died, which was expected, but what was unexpected (and always is I have found) is the family's acceptance of you as a surrogate family member during their precious last moments. My heart ached as if it were my own dad.. his daughters and I held hands, hugged, and fought back tears. The process of death gets easier, but the emotions do not (will they ever?).

On Sunday afternoon, I got out of work early so I headed to Lowe's and purchased some indoor plants. Last year I potted quite a few flowering plants and thought I was killing them, but come to find out (when all of the flowers were completely gone) the rabbits that inhabit our back yard (I think there are about 10 or so) ate them all! I didn't want to fight with them this year (it lead me to creating a hateful bunny death pumpkin for Halloween this past year), so instead planted easily manageable indoor plants to fill our already-cluttered home with. It was refreshing to dig my hands into dirt. After remembering the last time I dug my hands into something (homemade biscuit dough) and the aftermath of cleaning my wedding bands, I removed both rings and set them aside on the counter. In exhaustion last night, I fell asleep and forgot to put them back on. I didn't realize this morning until I got to work, and any time I clasped my hands together I got very anxious. It was kind of like a gut reaction. Have you ever forgotten to put your rings on and felt like this? I miss Jonathan.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Today is just a blah day. I woke up feeling blah after my alarm clock didn't go off (phone was on silent), and I felt extra blah after I remembered Jonathan would be leaving for Maryland within the hour. With his coaxing, I gathered myself out of bed, showered, and made us banana pancakes. We enjoyed eating them on the porch, and between the brisk air, chirping birds, and blue sky, I thought to myself - "Maybe this won't be a blah day after all!"

I put on one of my favorite summer dresses (one that I have worn too much in the summer 2009-2010) with a bright yellow cardigan and my new sandals from Target that I love. My toes are still a bright coral from my lovely birthday/anniversary pedicure last week. With all of these bright colors, how could this day be blah at all?

Then I drove downtown for the Dreaded Doctor's Appointment. Blahblahblah. I didn't receive terribly horrible news nor terribly wonderful news and the end result of poking and prodding while I teared up is that I have wait a few weeks to find out anything more. I treated myself to a ChickFilA banana pudding milkshake without even wondering how many WeightWatchers points it was. I just needed it.

It's now blah hour because I have to head to work. I'm actually looking forward to being there even though most people wouldn't want to work on a blah day like this. Something about helping people puts a positive spin on my day (cheesy but it's the truth).

Things I am Looking Forward To:

- Come to the Cross @ Shandon this Sunday
- Deadlines being over tomorrow
- Possibly seeing my cousin at derby in Charlotte on Saturday
- Figuring out meals for my brother and I
- Camping in Savannah next week with close friends
- Enjoying the beach at Tybee Island for three full days
- Coming home to my mother enjoying Easter with us
- Seeing Jonathan the second week of May when I drive up to Maryland

That's all I have for now.