I'm "relaxing". Really, I start getting comfortable and then I hear loud booming above my head (we don't have a third floor) so I sit up with a start and remember that it's the same heavy footsteps that have been tramping above in our attic(? -- I wasn't aware we had an attic) for the last thirty minutes.
I "cleaned". Really, I shoved things into a trash bag, piled my clean laundry on my bed, and put my clothes basket in the closet. I had books spread everywhere earlier this week but finally made my way to the library. I could see myself entering that building over and over in the future, always feeling my insides balance and become neutral as my feet step over the shadows along the main path. It's easy to put one foot in front of the other.
On Monday I came home from work feeling tired (quite exhausted) and upset. Actually, I had gone to Panera Bread after work for some soup and to read. It's my new "thing" I guess, to sit at Panera Bread, hunched over some popular novel that I picked up from the library. I was in the middle of this book, The Rose Variations, so emotionally involved in the main character's self-consciousness and it just made me sad. There was a letter on my bed from Ashley and with my already somber mood, I just became overwhelmed with missing all of my friends. It's not that I feel lonely, because I definitely do not (I've been introduced to such wonderful people), but it made me miss the familiarity of work and friends and school and routine. Tuesday morning I was hit with the realization that when I move to South Carolina *for real* it's going to be even harder to adjust. David said that this is ridiculous because I've "made more friends" than he did in an entire year, but it's just really hitting me that it's not so easy to escape Florida. I miss the springs, the beach, the long drives to work, coming home to Ashley.
Everything is lining up quite nicely here for me. I feel so much love from my partner, I feel doted upon, I feel beautiful most days, I feel confident and warm. I scour through novels and novels and feel like I did so many summers ago in North Carolina. I feel young and alive and unburdened. Without going into much more detail than that, I really am ready to make this state my new home, and I think it may be ready for me.
This weekend should be wonderful. I get to spend it in Charleston with my very good friends from Florida and my little honeypot. Sarah and I have been talking about things to do and regardless of what we do, I'm so ready to giggle with her (and perhaps hoist her upon my shoulders, as she promised).
And now, photos:
This is the main branch of the Richland County Public Libraries. It's located downtown and apparently won a national award in 2001 for best library. I rave about this place all the time, and finally brought one of my cameras with me today.
This is the long hallway you see after walking through the side entrance.. It was kind of cloudy out today but normally those metal beams along the window cast wonderful and intricate shadows. The foliage on the right come from the children's library below the main floor and are all healthy, living, wonderful trees/plants (:
This is standing on the main floor, looking up at the floors above (there is an escalator to the right, not pictured)